Brace Yourself for the Bozos

The bozo is not merely a fool. A fool may be tender, accidental, even holy. The bozo is the fool who has been given a little power and has mistaken it for proof of his intellectual coronation. He has seen one system work in one narrow place—his office, his shop, his engineering department, his family business, his uncle’s import company—and now he believes the system is the universe. He has repaired a machine, negotiated a contract, passed an exam, learned the timing of a market, and therefore feels licensed to explain women, poetry, cities, illness, cinema, history, marriage, God.

He is competent at one thing and drunk on the competence.

That is his tragedy. And ours.

He could be educated. He could be brilliant. He could be admired.

That was the danger.

Because the bozo rarely announces himself by barking nonsense. Often he arrives speaking in the polished vocabulary of aspiration. He says he wants progress. He says he wants the nation to move forward. He says he believes in standards, in excellence, in hard work, in getting things done. You nod, because who is against excellence? Who is against hard work? Who wishes to remain in a swamp of excuses, laziness, and sentimental disorder?

But then, slowly, you notice that the bozo’s version of progress has no room in it for uncertainty. No room for the unprofitable. No room for the damaged, the eccentric, the grieving, the poor, the inconvenient, the artist who takes too long to answer a question because the truthful answer has not yet finished forming inside him.

The bozo demands an answer before there is an answer.

He demands confidence from people who are still trying to be honest.

He sees hesitation and calls it weakness. He sees complexity and calls it confusion. He sees mystery and calls for a committee.

Brace yourself for the bozos in the family drawing room, where they speak with great authority about the lives you ought to live.

Brace yourself for the bozos in the workplace, who mistake aggression for leadership and busyness for achievement.

Brace yourself for the bozos who tell you that art is a hobby until it earns money, and then tell you it is only worthwhile because it earns money.

Brace yourself for the bozos who are certain that a country is becoming modern because its advertisements have begun using English.

Brace yourself for the bozos who confuse a mall with civilization.

Brace yourself for the bozos who believe that because they have learned how to win, they have learned how to live.